Nostalgia (Warning: ramblings will follow)

According to www.thefreedictionary.com:
nos·tal·gi·a  (n-stlj, n-)

n.

1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

2. The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

 Synonyms (Thank you, thesaurus.com!)

fond memories, hearts and flowers, homesickness, longing, pining, reminiscence, remorse, schmaltz, sentimentality, tear-jerker, wistfulness, yearning

Best explanation I've ever seen (courtesy of sarazaher.wordpress.com and a Google search):

I live in a pretty much continual state of nostalgia. I have no faith in the present or the future. I cry every day, over nothing more substantial than nebulous horror that I am not and probably never will be who God intended me to be.  Raised by a narcissistic father and a borderline mother diagnosed with chronic depression, the odds are stacked against me not always struggling with emotional/mental issues.  I refuse to discuss how I feel with a doctor, refuse to consider medication; it's a personal choice to rely on God to get me through, not a judgement on anyone who is helped by medication.  A friend from college posted on Facebook recently:  H.O.P.E.—Hold On, Pain Ends.  The reminder made me want to bawl with relief.

My best friend described my situation (and hers) last night:

"We're in between two places. We know the world does not have what we need to be filled. We don't go to the One who can fill us. So we're there, in the middle, empty."

Why do I not go to Him for filling, for healing, for comfort, for escape from this broken world? Why do I have no faith in my present or my future, but spend everlasting hours, days, weeks, months, YEARS remembering what was, what could have been, what might have been done differently? What makes me think, operating out of my brokenness, I could make it work any better, given a second chance at any of it?

God, I need You so desperately! I feel like the most desperate woman on the planet, fingernails scraping the edge of sanity as I try not to slip over...Be here, Lord Jesus, save me from my own laziness and stupidity and cockiness. Use that roll of heavenly duct tape to hold me together so I can make my home a safe, cheerful haven for my family!  Use this pitiful vessel to show others that if You can put up with me, You'll joyfully welcome them.